The Night I Realized I Had Disappeared
I want to tell you about the night I realized I had completely disappeared.
My son Cadin was in the grip of addiction. I was doing everything a mother does — calling, waiting, pleading, fixing, crying behind closed doors. I was so focused on keeping him alive that I stopped asking whether I was.
I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating well. I had cancelled plans so many times my friends stopped calling. My husband Darrell would look at me across the dinner table and I could see the worry in his eyes — not just for Cadin, but for me.
One night I sat down to journal — something I hadn't done in months — and I wrote one sentence:
"I don't know who I am anymore outside of his addiction."
That sentence cracked something open in me.
Because here's what I had to learn the hard way: loving someone through addiction doesn't require you to lose yourself in the process. In fact, the more I found my way back to myself — my boundaries, my identity, my joy — the better I was able to show up for Cadin.
Not as his rescuer.
As his mother.
That's the journey I write about. That's the journey I want to walk alongside you.
Cadin knows I share our story. He supports this work. And honestly, watching him see other families helped by what we lived through — that's healing for both of us.
Tomorrow I want to introduce you to the book and workbook I wrote for you — because everything I wish I'd had during those hardest years is now inside them.
With love,
Karie
Start with the free guide
5 Things I Wish Iād Known as a Parent of a Child in Addiction
When your child is struggling with addiction, it can feel like every decision is heavy, every emotion is complicated, and every day asks more of you than you know how to give.
This free guide offers five gentle truths I wish someone had handed me earlier ā not to fix everything overnight, but to help you breathe, steady yourself, and remember that you matter too.
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